OMG: The Women's Health Brief

An Older Mother?

I had my second daughter at 42. Funny thing is, I never thought of myself as an “older mother.” Many of my friends back home were having babies at the same time. One day my younger daughter came home from school and announced, “Mum, you’re the oldest mum in the class.” I was surprised — but on reflection, she was probably right.

I tell that story because I felt the same way about menopause. Perimenopause wasn’t even in my vocabulary. I’d once read that if you had children later — in your 40s — menopause would also arrive later. Ha. Not so. And like so many others, I thought menopause meant hot flushes and your periods stopped — and that was it.

The First Wave: San Francisco

I know my timeline well because we moved to San Francisco in 2015. My younger daughter was about to turn three, I was 45 — and the symptoms began soon after we arrived. Not that I had any idea it was perimenopause. And neither did my doctor.

That first year, my body threw curveball after curveball:

• Night sweats so intense I cranked up the aircon — a complete role reversal in our house. My husband was usually the one who loved it icy, while I was the one always shivering.
• Heart palpitations that I assumed were panic attacks. Maybe they were. But they came out of nowhere and left me rattled.
• Heavy periods so extreme they ruined more pairs of jeans than I care to admit. And anyone who knows me knows I love my jeans.
• Frequent peeing that had me up 13 times in a single night. Each time I went to the doctor, the tests came back negative for a UTI, and I could see her patience wearing thin.
• Bizarre headaches that seemed to live at the roots of my hair. They were so odd I wondered if I’d imagined them.

At the time, I didn’t clock any emotional or psychological changes — though in fairness, we’d just moved across continents with two small kids. I wasn’t exactly at my emotional best anyway.

And What Did I Do?

Looking back, my responses were a mix of denial, guesswork, and stubbornness:

• For the heavy bleeding, I did nothing. Somehow I convinced myself it meant I must be super fertile — where that idea came from, I have no clue.
• For the constant peeing, I pushed hard to see a specialist and insisted on internal scans. I’d read it could be a sign of ovarian cancer and wanted to be sure.
• For the heart palpitations, I chalked them up to panic attacks and ignored them.
• For the headaches, I just reached for painkillers and carried on.
• For the night sweats, I brushed them off. In truth, I barely remember them — but my husband does. He still jokes about how he froze under the aircon I insisted on blasting.

And eventually, unbelievably, all of those symptoms just… went away. Only to return later in a different guise, replaced by a whole new wave of challenges I wasn’t prepared for.

The Next Chapter: Back in Singapore

Two years later, we moved back to Singapore. I was 47, the kids were older, and I’d started working again. Life felt good — familiar, even. But then, slowly and almost without me noticing, a new wave of symptoms crept in. It wasn’t all at once, and I didn’t keep notes, but I remember the strange ways my body began to change.

• An itch so relentless on my neck that I scratched it until it bled.
• An itchy vagina that had me convinced I must have recurring thrush — though I never had any other symptoms to match.
• Crawling skin sensations across my legs, arms, and torso that made me wonder if I was losing my mind.
• Periods all over the place — which I dismissed at the time. (That deserves its own post, on why women so often don’t take bleeding seriously.)
• Sore hands and fingers, especially in the mornings or after bike rides. I’d grip the handlebars and feel pain radiate through my fingers. (Side note: when I finally started estrogen, this pain disappeared. When doctors say aches and pains are just “aging,” remember — sometimes it’s actually estrogen deficiency. I’ve had clients who could barely hobble down stairs until HRT changed everything.)

This was around the time of Covid, when the world slowed down and I found myself listening to podcasts. The first time I heard about estrogen and HRT was on Postcards from Midlife. Honestly, I didn’t believe a rub of gel could make any difference. Placebo effect? Hardly. But guess what — it did.

It wasn’t a magic cure for everything, but so many of my physical symptoms eased or disappeared. Mentally, too, I began to feel better. More like myself again.

Of course, it didn’t happen in isolation. I also stopped drinking, I exercise, and I try to eat well. I don’t buy into the flood of menopause supplements (the “menowashing” is real), but I do take cod liver oil, magnesium, B vitamins, vitamin D with K, collagen, and protein powder — and I’m about to start creatine.

Still, back then, before HRT, I just felt… off. Not myself. I wasn’t low, exactly, but I was angry a lot. I drank more than I should have. I felt anxious at work.

Finally, I went to my doctor and explained everything. And here’s where I count myself lucky. My GP in Singapore listened. She was unusually well informed for the time. She wrote perimenopause across my test results, and I remember thinking, okay, at least I know what’s wrong with me. But the word itself didn’t mean much to me then. I had no idea what a rocky road I was about to embark on — or how long it was going to last.

My Reflection

Looking back now, what strikes me most is how unprepared I was — not because I hadn’t been paying attention, but because no one had ever explained what perimenopause could look like. The symptoms were bizarre, frightening, and often dismissed by doctors who were just as unsure as I was.

And I know I’m not alone. My clients tell me their own stories of confusion, dismissal, and eventual clarity. Each journey is unique, but the themes are the same: a lack of information, a lack of support, and a need to piece it all together ourselves.

That’s why I write, and why I share. To remind us that these symptoms aren’t “all in our heads,” that we aren’t imagining things, and that there are ways through. Hormone therapy has helped me, but so have lifestyle changes, and above all, shared knowledge.

Because the more we talk about these journeys — openly, honestly, and without shame — the more we support each other through them.

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Resources & Further Reading

📄 Websites & Guidelines

• NICE Guidelines: Menopause Diagnosis and Management
• The Menopause Society (formerly NAMS) — evidence-based clinical guidance and resources

🎧 Podcasts & Multimedia

• Postcards from Midlife — the first place I heard about estrogen and HRT
• The Dr Louise Newson Podcast — expert conversations on menopause and HRT

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Tags:
#Perimenopause #MenopauseMatters #WomensHealth #HRTJourney #MidlifeWomen #InformedChoices