Preparing for Battle: Why a Doctor’s Visit Shouldn’t Feel Like This

The struggle is real. Before even setting foot in a doctor’s office, so many women find themselves caught between Dr. Google, social media “experts,” well-meaning friends, Facebook groups, and podcasts. Some of those experts — like Kelly Casperson, Louise Newson, and Vonda Wright — are brilliant doctors who share excellent advice for free on their platforms and podcasts. But the challenge remains: how do you decipher what’s credible, and what’s not?

By the time you’re preparing for that first doctor’s visit to discuss menopause symptoms and treatment options, it can feel less like healthcare and more like gearing up for battle. Do I have the Menopause Society’s (formerly the North American Menopause Society) latest statement? Have I read the NICE guidelines? Should I print out the list of questions recommended by the experts I follow online? And will I even remember what I wanted to ask — brain fog has a way of peaking at the worst moments. I can get nervous, stressed. What happens if the appointment runs short? I’ve asked for extra time, but will I get it?

This is what it takes for many women just to walk through the door.

The Doctor on the Other Side of the Desk

And then comes the next unknown: who’s sitting across from me? Is this doctor truly well-versed in menopause treatment, or did I just hope they were when I asked for someone who specialised? Will their own biases get in the way of our conversation?

We know their education on menopause is often lacking. The fallout from the Women’s Health Initiative (WHI) study left a long shadow: if HRT was “too dangerous,” what was the point in teaching medical students how to treat menopause? Pharmaceutical companies pulled back from producing HRT and shifted to more lucrative drugs instead. For years, menopause all but vanished from the curriculum.

In the US, many doctors are still influenced by the FDA’s black box warning stamped across all estrogen-containing products.The message is blunt: danger, proceed with caution.

And here’s the irony — while those warnings loom large, they rarely come with nuance or updated context. So the doctor, too, may walk into the room carrying fear: What if I put her on HRT and she starts bleeding? Should I start with estrogen or progesterone first? If she doesn’t have a uterus, do I even bother with the progesterone? What if the treatment doesn’t work — what will I try next?

From God-Like Status to “Do They Even Know?”

It’s surreal when you stop to think about it. Doctors once held god-like status — they certainly did in Ireland — unquestioned authority. But for women navigating menopause today, the experience has flipped. Instead of reassurance, we’re left wondering: what are the chances this doctor actually knows what they’re talking about?

“We don’t have medical degrees. Most of us don’t have hours to spend trawling through studies and guidelines. Yet that’s what’s required — just to ask for help with a life stage that half the population will experience.”

This isn’t an attack on individual doctors. It’s a reflection of a system that has under-trained them, undervalued women’s health, and left huge gaps in care. For women already struggling with symptoms, it’s exhausting. For some, it’s completely overwhelming.

Because the truth is, what’s expected of us is beyond the pale. Educating ourselves, advocating for ourselves, preparing binders of research, printing questions, bracing for bias — just to get basic care.

My Reflection

I’ve been there: in the waiting room with a pile of notes, guidelines, and questions, wondering if my time would be wasted or my concerns dismissed. It’s not easy — and it shouldn’t have to be this way.

If you’ve ever felt like preparing for a menopause consultation is like preparing for war, you’re not alone. And if you’ve ever left wondering who knew more — you or your doctor — then you know just how upside-down the system has become.

We deserve better.

Resources & Further Reading

📄 Websites & Guidelines

NICE Guidelines: Menopause Diagnosis and Management
The Menopause Society (formerly NAMS) — evidence-based clinical guidance and patient resources

🎧 Podcasts & Multimedia

You Are Not Broken — Kelly Casperson, MD (urologist and women’s health advocate)
The Dr Louise Newson Podcast — conversations on HRT, menopause, and the latest evidence
Hot for Your Health — Vonda Wright, MD, on women’s health and healthy aging

📝 Related Blog Posts

Vaginal Estrogen: The Simple Fix We’re Not Talking About — shining a light on GSM and the treatment too few women hear about

OMG: The Women's Health Brief