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The Quiet Choice to Quit

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Oonagh Grace

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I felt like something was missing when I first started reading all the recommended quit-lit books about alcohol. I gravitated toward those written by women, hoping I would see myself in their stories—hoping to say, “Oh yes, that’s me too.” The same with podcasts, especially those aimed at women my age—pre-, peri-, or post-menopausal. But I didn’t quite find it.

I hadn’t hit “crisis point” At least, I didn’t think I had. Looking back now at my mental health, maybe I had. Leading up to the COVID years, I was drinking every day—at least two glasses of wine around dinner time. I didn’t binge often, but the drinking was daily. And I looked forward to it, I really looked forward to it. And during COVID, the wine glass became more frequent.

Of course, I knew in the abstract that alcohol isn’t great for your health—after all, it’s classified as a carcinogen—but that felt like background noise, not something that applied directly to me.

But here’s the thing: I didn’t give up alcohol out of hopelessness, nor did I experience the soaring highs that others describe—“the gift that keeps on giving,” the renewed passion for life, the joy of being alcohol-free. My story was quieter than that.

Two and a half years later, I’m still alcohol-free. That’s not so long in the bigger picture, but yes, my life is better. I wasn’t the drinker who had hit “rock bottom.” These days, people often use the trendy labels of “middle lane” or “grey area” drinker to describe that space in between. Maybe that’s where I fit. But whenever I took those “Do you drink too much?” questionnaires, I’d sigh and think, yes, I aced that one. I don’t drink too much.

And it wasn’t the first time I’d gone without alcohol. During my mid-twenties I gave it up for about five years. I lived in Hong Kong for some of that time—a city that was (and still is) a party town, where drinking was almost a social currency. Yet not one drop of alcohol passed my lips. Back then, being alcohol-free wasn’t a lifestyle trend; it just made you stand out.

Then came the doctor’s office—just about two and a half years ago now. He was talking about calcifications on my breast he was monitoring, and he said, “Looks like they’ve grown a bit. Let’s do another mammogram in six months.” This had been going on for at least a couple of years. I’d had a biopsy; they’d found cells called ALH, cells that are a little unusual—not major, but enough to increase your chances of getting breast cancer.

And that was it for me.
I thought: I’m not giving up HRT—but I can give up drink.

I knew vaguely there was some link between alcohol and breast cancer, but I assumed it was weak. That changed after I listened to Andrew Huberman’s podcast on alcohol. I had no idea of the strength of the association—and, it seemed, neither did much of the medical profession. “Nothing wrong with a bit of red wine,” I’d always heard. Really?

Here’s the irony: HRT use plummeted after the 2001 Women’s Health Initiative (WHI) findings. Even though much of that data has since been discredited, many women are still terrified to take HRT. Meanwhile, alcohol consumption among women has only increased.

The evidence around alcohol and cancer, including breast cancer, is strong. I won’t say it’s undisputed—there are always experts who shrug and say “no harm in a little drink”—but among the people I trust, the evidence is compelling. And at the end of the day, alcohol is a carcinogen.

And yet, I’ve met very few women who say, “I don’t drink because I don’t want to get breast cancer.”
But I’ve met plenty who say, “I don’t take HRT because I don’t want to get breast cancer.”

That contradiction was my tipping point. And that’s why I don’t drink anymore.

If you’d like to explore more, here are some of the research, guidance, and voices that shaped my thinking about alcohol, health, and women’s choices:

Resources and Further Reading

Podcast Episodes

Books

  • Pooley, C. (2017). The Sober Diaries: How one woman stopped drinking and started living. Hodder & Stoughton.
  • Warrington, R. (2018). Sober Curious: The blissful sleep, greater focus, limitless presence, and deep connection awaiting us all on the other side of alcohol. Harper Wave.

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Hello,

I’m Oonagh

I am the writer behind OMG: The Women’s Health Brief, where I break the silence around perimenopause, menopause, and the medical OMG moments women are too often told to “just accept.” Drawing on my own experiences with hormone therapy and medical gaslighting — and my work as a transition coach helping women navigate midlife — I aim to support and inform women as they move through this stage of life and beyond.

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Welcome to OMG: The Women’s Health Brief — a space for breaking the silence around women’s health. From the chaos of perimenopause to the crash landings of menopause — and every baffling, frustrating, and overlooked medical moment in between — this blog shares the stories, research, and resources women deserve but don’t always receive.

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